January 20, 1986Ms. Katy O'Connell
Vogue MagazineDear Ms. O'Connell,
Here is my fashion report for the coming season:
Just about to go check out the Martin Luther King Birthday Black Sales ... in honor of Rev. King I'm thinking of reintroducing black into the East Village -- things have gotten much, much too bright of late. The glare of yuppie gentrification is blinding!
You noticed, I'm sure, my basic winter wardrobe Saturday night: leather jacket, T-shirt, Levi 501s, construction boots and, this is key, thick, thick wooly socks.
At this moment I have on my basic daywear: leather jacket, T-shirt, Levi 501s, high-topped sneakers (corns, you know), and one of the many, many colorful flannel shirts I received for Christmas from the Pendelton store at home. As always I've stuck to the classics underneath, though Fruit of the Loom workmanship has fallen off of late so I've switched to Hanes -- they are obviously made in a more quality-conscious third world country.
Alas, my jean jacket has developed too much negative space, the silhouette is ruined. It will require major surgery and, well, I'm just not up for the operation.
My beauty tips? I'm staying with that hint of red on the eyeball, achieved by combining cigarette smoke with contact lenses. In these health-conscious days it is best to just look as though you've been carousing all night. These days my bed is the hot spot for me and I particularly enjoy those deep, coma-like, twelve-hour naps.
I've taken an interest in haute cuisine lately ... of course my staples remain cheese pizza, frozen pasta and granola but I've added those colorful (perhaps nouvelle?) Vitalan vitamins from the deli. They look oh so po-mo on the Fiestaware. And I have hours of fun mixing and matching the color scheme.
Like everyone else these days I have an exercise routine: I get up, turn on Phil Donahue (the TV is kept conveniently by the bed) and if he isn't going about the battle of the sexes and I turn him off I light a cigarette and do one arm extensions from ashtray to mouth while I watch.
After an hour of this I rise, exhausted, and fold my futon. If the pain in my lungs is not too severe I do a few side bends, twists and leg extensions. It is very important to concentrate on those 200 sit-ups you tell everyone you do every morning. Then it's to the showers where I stay until the hot water runs out.
Like every true baby boomer my lifestyle is geared to my career, which is in the fast-paced world of typesetting. I've had to make concessions but it's worth it. The world of points and picas, bytes and core dumps is thrilling! and now I have something almost as boring as municiple bonds to talk about at parties!
Until next season.